The alarm went off at 7:15...snoozed till about 8:00....the shower ended around 8:25...and "The Ben" was all set to start studying by 9:00
The next four hours were a journey through time....
Traveling all the way back to the ancient Hebrews, The Ben came to a clearer understanding of their view on creation and of God.....but before it could really sink in, it was on to the Greeks and Romans....Stopping for a quick break with Socrates, the Sophists, Plato, and Aristotle, much knowledge was acquired from them...especially Plato...but just as it was starting to sink in the guy was put to death for corrupting the youth...so I quickly moved on to the Romans.
Their government got nothing done because they had two presidents (called Consuls)...America cant even agree with just one president how could anyone do it with two...maybe that's why the Republic went down the drain with the brutal assassination of the great Julius Caesar on March 15th****Quick Side Note...had this been Jack Bauer, the results would have been a lot different...just to get the picture in your head...after the assassination plot was over Rome would have needed a whole lot more senators and a lot of concrete blocks and wooden boxes...ok now back to the adventure****With Caesar's death came the republics death and the rise of Octavian...a clever politician (who would have thought...politician...clever...no way). Pax Romana is the result...so if we want happiness in our country all we need to do is have a dictator and convert baseball stadiums into coliseums where we can feed journalists to the lions***not all journalists of course just those working for CNN (Communist National News), New York "Fabrication" Times, The Washington Post, and those people who run Wikepedia...just to start out with****
Before you can say Et Tu Brutte The Roman Empire has fallen and the Darkness descends upon the ages (Hence Dark Ages). This gives rise to great thinkers and not so great thinkers. A brief look at the craziness of Arius and then I was off to see Augustine's teachings...before moving on past Pelagius. I Rushed through a few semesters at the Sorbonne in Paris checking out Peter Lombard...and his boring book for scholars...and then reading some of the wild writings of Aquinas....next I viewed Islam from a distance...So as not to get my "Infidel" head separated from the rest of my body...Watched the birth and death of Mohammed and his "submissive" religion Islam rise expand and separate...I tried doing the holy thing and reading the Quran in Arabic...but I couldn't do it because I don't know Arabic....oh and I don't want to read the Quran...I am such an Infidel...
Next it was a quick dash through the Avignon Papacy, the Western Schism (That was a funny one...I almost went East)...Sat in on the Council of Constance (There were popes everywhere)...then I was "reborn" through the Enlightenment. Just as I was going back to the original sources (Ad Fontes) with Erasmus, the plague hit and I had to leave (Even though statistically I had a 70% chance of living through it, The risk was to high). On the way out of the Plague I ran into Albrecht Durer who was painting the Apocalyptic Four Horsemen (I told him I saw one the other day......turns out he didn't speak English so he kept painting). As I continued along Detrich Koldes was on the side of the road crying because he found out that 1. he had to die 2. He didn't know when it would happenand 3. he didn't know where he would go. I tried to comfort him a little...but it tuned out he didn't know English either.
I then journeyed over to Germany where I joined the Black Augustinians with Martin Luther...but only went to "two chapels a week" instead of six a day so they kicked me out. He then nailed 95 thesis on a church door in Witenburg because he was starting the reformation (Part of the reason he did this was because after six chapels a day he didn't have much time for anything else so he had to figure out something) After listening to a Heaven and Hell back to back combo sermon from John Tetzel I went to visit Calvin's Geneva.
I gave the secret password "TULIP" to the gate keeper and was allowed into the city. I went to get a beer in the pub and found a Bible...but couldn't read it because it was in German.
I used some Deductive reasoning mixed with some Platonic mysticism, and reasoned myself to Switzerland right as Conrad Gable was arguing with Zwingly. He was talking about how only adults can be Christians and went off and started the Anabaptists. Then some Felix Mantz guy asked me if I was Baptized...I said yes....and he then said great!...lets do it again....I went and told the town leaders about this and they got so mad they said lets permanently rebaptise him....so they drowned him in a river. As I was coming back from that little episode I saw some soldiers marching out. When I asked they told me they were going to join up with the Catholics to destroy Munster. Some Anabaptist tree hugger was ordering the execution of all non Anabaptists so Lutherans and Catholics together destroyed it before going back to fighting each other.
Since time was moving on I rushed past a few popes, the father of the Jesuits, and the council of Trent because now it was time to move further into the Renaissance and then to the Enlightenment
Turns out these people still thought the Earth was the center of the universe thanks to Aristotle and Ptolemy. Then Copernicus came by and said the Sun was the center of the universe...before you could say "Cuis Region elius Religio" We were facing a heliocentric world instead of a Geocentric world...suddenly we are just another planet. Tycho Brahe comes along to fight Copernicus and says we need empirical data to prove it...he observes with a telescope, but convieniently dies before he can prove it. Kepler jumps up and takes his place...but does so with a Gnostic Attitude. He did find some truth through his observations...there is mathematical uniformity and planets move in ellipses not circles...who would have thought.
I then went over to Pisa to watch Galileo drop two balls...and wouldn't you know it they hit the ground at the same time. He realized the language of nature is math. Then he told me something astonishing...the heavens are under the same laws as the earth. This made the catholic church mad...but so do I so I guess that's a good thing.
Finally my man Newton came to bat...he came to understand gravity and told me three laws about physics which I fell asleep on. He did manage to point the science towards faith unlike his predecessors and successors. I then heard about Bacon and it sounded good but turned out to be a person...not the...well never mind. He wasn't really a scientist he just advocated the scientific method and Inductive Method of Reasoning. I asked him how he deduced that method and he gave me a mean look...Then Desecrates started preaching the Deductive Method...and since I personally liked that method better I didn't ask him how he "induced" that. He told me "He thinks therefore he is". I told him he was an absolute genius so he taught me some Calculus for free. Unfortunately my next leg of the trip came to my least favorite country...France...I went in and wouldn't you know it the king came out with a white flag...surrendering Paris to me. I should have taken it, but I was laughing too hard. Louis XIII came to the throne and with the help of Cardinal Richelieu created the "Three Musketeers" and absolute power. He destroyed any opposition no matter what the cost...so I told him I agreed with his ideas...to save my head. His son Louis XIV came next and created a 300,000 man army...I made fun of his wig and had musketeers hot on my tail so I skipped town and went over to England to see Henry XIII marry his first wife
Unfortunately she couldn't have a male child so he converted to Protestantism and divorced her....somehow I don't think I agreed with that...but since I had nowhere else to run too, I didn't say anything***I could have gone to Scotland, but the men have to use skirts and play bagpipes...I wasn't up for that***Before I could say "Death by Guillotine" He died and his daughter Mary...the bloody one...became queen and made everyone go back to Catholicism. Next came her quarter sister Elizabeth who went back to Protestantism. Then came James I who didn't get along with the Puritans but he did initiate the best Bible translation ever to be made the KJV! He loved royal absolutism which started a revolution that carried over to Charles I reign and ended with Charles I head in a basket....I call that..."Regicide" .
Before people could celebrate another revolution took place...but this one was glorious and they named a college after the king and queen...William and Mary. I was just getting comfortable when the Enlightenment started
Immanuel Kant said we know better then anyone else in the past...a little arrogant if you ask me...but nothing compared to the Philosophies who hated all religion. I called them names they didn't understand so I didn't lose my head...but it made me feel better. Voltaire followed behind saying Christianity was part of the problem not the solution...I told him I was Presbyterian...so he left me alone. The punches just kept coming with the Skeptics, the Freethinkers (who influenced the founding fathers) and then the Deists. Thomas Jefferson who was a deist made his own funny version of the NT without any miracles or supernatural happenings...and somehow he forgot about the resurrection because that didn't make any sense. It turns out this was nothing compared to David Hume who was against religion altogether. He thought people were afraid of not having a god so they made one up...I asked him if he was afraid of Anthrax...and he said No....I had a good laugh at that one....anyway....the last leg of my Saturday morning and afternoon trip was around the corner
Thomas Hobbes (Named after the famous Tiger in the famous comic strip...which came hundreds of years later....wow good foresight) came up with the idea of no absolute power. Rulers should be chosen by the people in the form of a vote and a contract...John Locke proceeded by "unlocking" what Hobbes did not. He said if the government tries to rule the people absolutely then they should over through the government...Then a french guy stepped to the plate and did not run away but rather challenged the government by suggesting balanced governments...he does not like democracy so he does not quite see clearly...he obviously is missing part of his 5th sense. Another french man steps up and becomes the "Father of Democracy" Jean Jacques Rousseau. Just his ideas made kings scared. He said people chose their government and not only that but they renew their choice periodically. People obey because the laws reflect their will...I gave him my support which in turn prompted the french to start a revolution.
Finally I went over to the new world with the Spanish, paid a visit to my buddy Mr. Smith in Jamestown...and helped him escape the Indians...I then went over to Roanoke Island just in time to see David Copperfield sail off towards England and that's when I noticed the entire settlement completely disappeared...he was really good. I stopped by Massachusetts Bay Colony in time to see Roger William running for Rhode Island. After pleading with the Puritans to make a law that would ban anyone with the last name of Kennedy to live in the state when it became unionized, I went down to see the signing of the declaration of independence.
Just then I realized I was exhausted, I put down my pen climbed into my bunk and took a nap for an hour...what a day....I think I now know how Jack Bauer feels after one of his seasons...I mean days..... | 
